Australian author Bronnie Ware wrote a memoir based on her life and work called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It's a book I've read before, and I recently went back to revisit it. Bronnie's book and work reveal the harsh reality that many people fail to realize until the end of their lives. But it contains compelling life lessons, worth learning now, before it's too late. These lessons can help connect you with the very rich life available to you - starting today. As a palliative care worker for many years, Bronnie cared for people during their final days. She saw her patients at their most vulnerable and observed the changes they underwent as they faced their own mortality. Bronnie has a gentle demeanor and a caring heart. She formed a strong connection with each of her patients and became a calming presence for them at the end. But even though she was hired to care for them physically, much of her care turned out to be emotional. She witnessed her patients experience a variety of emotional states, including anger, fear, denial and acceptance. You might recognize these as among the five stages of grief as well. Despite these tumultuous emotions, she says that each patient found their peace before the end. Part of her work as a caretaker involved having long conversations with her patients, listening as they recounted their fondest memories and regrets. And hearing them describe their regrets in those final months and days, she discovered they were surprisingly similar. Her memoir recounts the top five... I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I hadn't worked so hard (this one was especially common for men). I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. And the most common... I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Powerful stuff, huh? What struck me most was the contrast between her findings and what many people spend the bulk of their lives worrying about. So what is it that stresses us out most? If you study the data, one stressor has remained near the top for many years, regardless of the economic climate... You guessed it... Money. That's not good, especially since financial stress is linked to everything from depression and anxiety to migraines, ulcers, digestive problems, high blood pressure, heart attacks and disrupted sleep. And ironically, what is one of the other widespread worries in America? Healthcare. See a connection? It's a vicious cycle that feeds on itself. Note that Bronnie, in all the years she cared for these individuals, didn't hear many patients tell her, "I wish I'd made more money." Not even close. And yet money continues to be the dominant source of stress for many Americans. It's worth noting an important distinction between what we worry about and what we end up regretting. We can learn lessons from the people who know far better than we do... Bronnie's patients, who have truly faced the end... Don't Let Worry Equal Regret It's been said that worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Spending our lives worried about money not only is an unpleasant way to live but also directly feeds the sorts of regrets Bronnie witnessed firsthand. Think about it... You can worry away the days, months and years to no avail. Worry in and of itself doesn't help improve anything. It's just another form of fear. And fear, especially around money, can spell disaster, particularly if you're an investor... Plus, do you really think you'll look back and wish you'd spent more time worried about money, of all things? Yeah, I don't think I will either. The biggest regret of the dying from Bronnie's memoir is this: "I wish that I had let myself be happier." To laugh and smile more... Many of her patients didn't realize until the end that happiness is a choice. We can't force ourselves to be in a good mood all the time, nor should we. But accepting that we are upset as a natural part of life and being able to let go of it is always possible. After all, we have only so much time and energy. The more of it we spend worrying, particularly about money, the less we spend enjoying our lives. So now you might be asking... Is financial wealth worth striving for? After everything you just read, you may be surprised to hear me say... absolutely. But there's a caveat. Worth the Fight There's a reason money is so closely tied to stress. It's also tied to freedom... to liberty. Having money creates choices, reduces stress and provides opportunity. And in our culture, there are symbols of financial wealth all around us, examples that tempt and call to us. We're not wrong to value wealth. But there is one caveat that makes all the difference. And it's not in the victory. It's in the pursuit. It's having a purpose behind wealth creation that's bigger than you are. This might sound crazy. After all, most of the actual worry we have around money is centered on ourselves. Even if you feel worried about not being able to provide for someone else, the actual worry - the core fear - is that you will feel like a failure. All worry, especially about money, happens when we focus on ourselves. This is exactly the point... and the solution. The key to breaking free from worry, and rebelling against future regret, is to cultivate a purpose bigger than yourself. And then focus on it, especially when you feel worried. Yes, you deserve nice things and great experiences. Absolutely. But what else is possible beyond that? How else could your financial well-being have a positive impact on your relationships, community or the world? Ask yourself... Who (or what) would benefit from your continued financial success? Write down three different people, places, institutions or causes that you'd love to make a financial difference for if you could. A little research can be very empowering. In the last few years, my wife and I discovered an organization that helps construct water pumping stations in rural villages in South America and Africa. Dirty and scarce water is the root cause of much of the world's diseases. There is often clean water 30 to 40 feet beneath the ground in these areas, but the villagers don't have the drilling equipment to access it. So they walk for hours a day to fill jugs with water filled with parasites, dirt and bacteria. Helping them access clean water is one cause that now serves as an inspiration to our family. In addition, I recommend you write down how you'd show up differently without money worries. How much more of your time and energy could you give to others if you had plentiful finances? Discovering and focusing on a sense of mission that's about something bigger than you can reduce or completely eliminate worry. And it's the best way to ensure you don't feed the beast of regret. So heed the warnings Bronnie learned from her patients. Don't spend any more of your days worried about money. Embrace the influence money has in our world and overcome any worry with a greater sense of purpose. You can start today. You'll work harder, work smarter and feel happier along the way. Be relentless, Nathan | 
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