Let me do something
different today. Instead of a usual money investment topic, l’d like to do some
father’s talking today as this is a special weekend for us, our beloved son’s
birthday! And coincidentally the Father's day as well!!
My wife and I are
not kind of parents having extremely high expectations for our kids, wishing
them accomplishing something that must have some historical impact or something
like this. For us, our expectation is very low; we just hope our son can grow
up happily and can do what he loves to do and at the same time can live
comfortably without the need to worry about his financial future. If he happens
to be able to achieve something more impactful, that will be great but it is
definitely not what we are looking for. This is how we have tried to do in
raising our beloved son in the past 2 decades. So today, I’m just taking the
opportunity, when he reached his next important life milestone, to share some
of our happy experience. While every child is different and unique and there is
no such thing as a standard template for raising a child, I do find useful by
exchanging some experiences with friends as we all can learn something from
each other. This is the whole purpose of this writing. It is nothing to do with
stock investment but for me it is the most important long term investment for
parents.
Everyone with the
parenting experience certainly knows how challenge to raise a child! There are
so many challenges that I cannot cover all in just one blog, but I think three
challenges are among the most important ones all parents must handle very
carefully.
The Role of Child. This I think is often a
misunderstood and underestimated aspect in raising a child in terms of its
importance. For most parents, especially among Chinese parents, parents must
have the absolute authority and power to order and children must obey to
follow. I think it is very detrimental actually, although may not be so
obvious, to kids’ personality development. My wife and I have got the consensus
since day one that we must treat our son as a friend, not a child. So we have
always talked to him like a friend since he was very young by listening to his
needs and making suggestions instead of ordering if we would like him to do
something we wanted. We also shared our challenges and difficulties we were
facing with him so that he really got the sense that he was our friend, the
best friend for us! Of course there are many nuances into it but the key is
that we truly acted like friends to him. The result? He has been so close to us
all the times, so much so that we didn’t experience any teenage challenges with
him as he just treated us as friends and naturally shared everything with us
without hesitance whenever he got frustrated or had problems. Even in his late
20s nowadays, he is still so close to us by hanging on the phone with us
several hours during the weekend whenever possible. It is just so natural for
him to want to talk to us regardless if there are any specific topics for
discussion. What a great and happy lifelong achievement we have made!! We feel
sorry to hear many stories of friends that their kids are almost like suddenly
changing to a totally different person when they get into their teenage. One
mother friend complained why their angel like daughter suddenly became a
monster. Another was questioning why their son stopped talking to them and
would only lock himself in his room at home. My wife’s colleague said that
their college daughter never called them unless asking for money...... Well, it
is really not uncommon to see such sad changes during the kids’ teenage period.
The last thing any parents want to face is to try to figure out what their kids
are thinking, what they are doing or even worse where they are. I don’t know if
there is a panacea but at least for our experience, making your precious kids
as your friends is likely an effective way to overcome the challenges. We have
tried and it has worked perfectly for us but importantly, it is not just a
simple saying but an daily act that you need to make your kid feel and trust
you as friends!
Shaping
up of Personality.
As I said, each child is unique and different and there is no absolute best
personality one can acquire. It is just a given that we all have some strengths
in our personality and some weakness. Same for each child. So it could be a
daunting task for parents to help their kids to overcome some obvious weakness
in personality. For example, our son has always been a very nice and easy going
boy. But we noticed from very early on that he was a bit shy and afraid of
speaking in front of crowd. He was always among the last ones to speak in a
group. As we all know, when something is naturally born with, it is very
difficult to change. We have tried many different ways to encourage him to
overcome this and one thing we experimented I think was very effective but
required a lot of time and effort on our part. Each weekend, we made a setup
mimicking a public Q&A, asking him to stand up to answer our questions
impromptu and we even videotaped it. After he got used to it with months of
practicing, we took every opportunity to ask our friends to join the rehearsal.
We noticed significant improvement in his self confidence over time in public
speaking. Then we encouraged him to join
the public speaking club at school and attended real life competitions whenever
there was an opportunity. He ended up winning the national championship for the
Canadian High School Bilingual Debating. This has indeed become his lifelong
gift as he told us that making a public speech is a piece of cake for him now,
the best music to our ears of course!
The last but not
least, the Career Future. Needless
to say, making a decision on what to do in life is by no means easy and simple.
As physicians by training for both of us, we naturally first thought about the
medical career for our son but he strongly objected it. He was even not much
interested in science in general. So what he liked and wanted to do? He is very
talented in language and therefore can speak 6 languages fluently. Just a side
note, while he has never formally leant Chinese in any school (even weekend
school), you probably would think he grew up in China if you simply talked to
him verbally. And he knows much more Chinese history than us (a shameful
feeling for me honestly). Actually his
Chinese writing is not so bad in my opinion. Here is one simple note he wrote
to me lately: “ 爸,我们最近在先期认证方面政策好像有变化,等我老板回来后我和他确认一下。Love”. Does
this look like from someone who has never formally learnt Chinese? But he can easily
unmask his true weakness ( 露出马脚) when he says or writes something like: 我会在我的心脏里记住你的。Anyway, he is more
interested in liberal science, especially history or political science. After
knowing his career interest and tendency, we knew we had some work to do to
guide him towards something more practical. Of course, as a friend, we didn’t
want to just force him to listen to us but wanted him to make a more rational
choice for his future career. Fortunately I had already fallen in love with
finance and therefore started to engage him more into the financial topics and
discussions. It was great to see him becoming more and more interested in
economics and ended up in studying economics and business (double majors) at
the Haas School of UC Berkley. By the way, one thing we have been trying to
influence him all the years is about the personal finance. We love our son but
we never spoil him. In order to make him understand the real life difficulty in
making money, we got a job for him when he was only 10 years old to deliver
newspapers. It was really a tough job by any means as he had to get up around 6
AM each weekend, even during the winter that was often -10 or -20 C, to finish
his job. He continued this job for quite a few years as the first taste of
bread earning challenges with his tenacity and persistence. All his earnings
have then been invested via my favorite strategy, dividend reinvestment. We
have kept advising him and he has now well understood the importance of
financial freedom, which has become his personal goal, aiming to realize by
40s. He often tells us that his real dream job is to become a historian and to
teach or write history related stories. But he understands that he has to make
efforts to get himself financially free first and then do what he really enjoys
and dreams about. We are thrilled to see him well on his way to realize his
ultimate goal with happiness and enjoyment.
So what’s the
milestone I have alluded to? Well, after several years working in the top bond
company, Pimco and now JP Morgan, he is ready to take a shot for the next
level. Have you heard INSEAD? I bet most
of friends have never heard about it, including myself till my son told me
about it. This is actually one of the global leading MBA programs, ranked at
the top, even above Harvard or Wharton school by Financial Times (see
here). What is even more attractive is that it has a
one-year MBA program to go instead of typically at least two years. I was very
surprised but happy to find about it and hopefully this is good information for
those who are also thinking something in this nature for their kids. Armed with
great language skills with deep knowledge on history and political affairs, he
is really very internationally oriented and loves to go beyond the US. So
Insead is his natural choice when he wants to do his MBA. He has now been
enrolled in the program for next year. I’m really happy for what he has done in
all the years up to now and I’m more happy to see he is able to do what he
likes to do in his life. Nothing is more important for us as parents. Selfishly I have a dream. I dream to have a
family business in finance that I can use my son’s credentials, experience and
network to jump start it. Maybe I’m seeing more than just the light at the end
of the tunnel now?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SON!